Saturday, October 13, 2018

Poor Me Day

Today is a "Poor Me Day"....

I hate that I have diabetes!!! I am stressed about an exam I have in Anatomy & Physiology II on Monday.  And I hate the fact I can't eat pizza, chips, and cupcakes; well I can but it would only cause my sugars to sky rocket.

Today was 2 birthday parties spread out with a few hours in between so I ate before and after each one but it is not the same.  I would love to enjoy eating what everyone else is eating along with eating with them.  Sure I could but then I am only harming my body.  And yes, everyone else is really not doing their body's any good either.  But they don't care.  It amazes me how people continue to eat the things that are slowly killing their insides.  A heart attack waiting to happen, Type 2 diabetes creeping up, I just don't understand the addiction.  Isn't it mind over matter?  Doesn't your life, your health and well being matter?  Aren't you tired of being tired all the time?  Don't blame the busyness of your life on your tiredness.  It's the foods you eat, the lack of exercise you get.  Don't you get it?

Yes, these are the things that depress me.  I don't want to care!!  I don't want to get it!!  I just want to eat whatever, whenever and as much as I want!!!

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

30 IN 45 Challenge

It has been a year since I've had true focus on fitness and eating right.  Things were going well the first 4 months and then a negative change began to take shape.  June of 2016 I started working out taking boot camp style classes at H2 Health & Fitness Center just 2 X week for the first month, incorporating some cardio at another gym.  Then in July I bumped up my boot camp classes to 3 X week.  Amazed by the change in just the first month only going 2 times a week, going 3 times a week I could only get better.  And then by the third month I started going 4-5 X week and dropping my other gym membership.  I was able to get enough cardio at H2 Health & Fitness; there were days where we had H.I.I.T. classes and sometimes I would even take 2 H.I.I.T. classes back to back.  October 2016 I went on a missions trip and I was in the last weeks of a fitness challenge at H2.  I brought along resistance bands to try and keep up somewhat of my workouts.  And I was able to eat pretty healthy because of my disease; I was given more low carb meals than they typically eat.  Coming back from the mission trip I had to do my final body analysis and turn in the results.  I was so excited and proud of all that I had accomplished over the last 4 months- gained 3 pounds of muscle and lost 4% body fat.  I continued to check my body composition each month to keep in check and make sure I was improving but somehow things started to shift and I began to put back on body fat.  Yes the holidays came and went but I still ate pretty well because of my disease.  I am very proactive when it comes to my disease.  That is why exercise and eating right is so important to me.  

I have always been active as a kid playing sports and then teaching fitness in my early 20's.  But of course when you get married and have a kid your focus tends to shift a little and exercise can fall short often.  I still ate well for the most part given my family history.  When I discovered I had diabetes my focus shifted back to exercise and eating even better than I was; I did my first 5k in Oct of 2011 and continued to run entering 5k's throughout the years.  October 2016 I ran my first 10k and finished 15 minutes earlier than my goal.  I was pumped and decided to set a goal of running a 1/2 marathon and 1 marathon by the time I was 50 years old.  Being 45 years old at that time, I had plenty of time to meet those goals.  I started running 4-5 times a week and doing boot camp classes, working out 7 days a week not giving my body any time to recover.  Most people would have lost weight doing all that exercise but not me.  My body got thicker including my midsection; my body % fat began to climb back up.  It didn't make sense to me because when you look at runners they are pretty slim.  The only conclusion I could come to was that I was putting my body under so much stress that cortisol was being released at a constant rate and that was causing fat to be stored in my body rather than fat being burned.  I started to back off on the running and just kept up my boot camp classes, pushing myself more and more.  I wanted change so bad and wanted to loose that body fat and get back down to where I was in the earlier part of November 2016.

As the year is quickly passing by us I had reached a year being at H2 and then a new season of life began.  I had stopped working out because we sold our house and had to move quickly; focusing all my attention on getting the house packed up, working out was no longer a priority.  My eating habits started to decline.  I hadn't eaten this bad for over 6 years, I felt depressed and frustrated.  I was determined to get back on track just as soon as we got settled into the new house.  I had set a date to get started and realized there was just too many things happening that month.  So I pushed it further out and setting a date for September 1st.  I began to seek out gyms in the area, H2 was no longer a convenience.  Looking for a gym similar to what I was doing wasn't too difficult but the cost of memberships seemed to be outrageous.  I was considering the YMCA since it was just down the street and has a variety of classes including boot camp.  But then I saw Pure Barre driving down the road.  I had seen them on the East Coast of Florida and in the Tampa area but nothing here before.  I always wondered what it was especially with the word Barre in it.  Ballet classes perhaps???  I looked them up online and found that I could get a FREE WEEK.  The video on Youtube looked pretty easy, after all I had been lifting weights for the past year and this involved very little weight.  It had been 3 months since I really worked out and thought this would be a good way to start- nice and easy.  Boy was I wrong!!!  This was pretty tough!!!  My arms and legs were on fire most of the class.  I didn't really sweat nor did my heart rate ever really get to high so I wasn't sure if this was really for me.  I wasn't really exhausted after class either and was wondering if I was really going to feel something the next morning.  Low and behold I did feel something the next morning.  I wasn't horribly sore but my muscles knew that they got a workout.  Sticking with it for that free week I went as many days as I could giving me the opportunity to receive a discount on my first full month.  I wasn't ready to commit to a full year contract just yet.  After all it was more money a month than I wanted to spend.  I wanted to see what changes if any would occur that first month.  

Noticing a small change in the area that mattered to me the most within just a short time I was really enjoying this new style of working out for me.  I cut back more on dairy and started trying to add more greens back into my daily diet.  My sugars do very well taking these classes and tend stay pretty level.  Typically if I do a lot of high intensity cardio my sugars come crashing down, often I would have to turn my insulin pump off while doing cardio.  If I did moderate to heavy weights my sugars would go skyrocketing up because my liver would spit out sugar for energy.  Not having my sugars crash or spike is another plus to this Barre workout.  After 12 visits on your first month membership you have the opportunity to take advantage of receiving 50% off your first month membership on an annual contract.  That time was quickly approaching and I needed to decide if I was going to commit for a year or go to the YMCA with my husband.  Checking in with him to see when he might be ready to get back in the gym himself, I didn't get the impression it would be any time soon.  I still wasn't 100% positive I wanted to spend that much money a month on a gym membership though.  And I was hoping my husband would want to workout sooner than later.  But who was I kidding, he doesn't like working out first of all and second he is so busy right now with work and then the holidays are right around the corner, I don't see him working out till at least next year.  So I made the decision to join Pure Barre and commit to 1 year.  "Go Big or Go Home" right?  Not to mention that Pure Barre was starting a challenge that I wanted to be a part of and could only do so if I became a member.  Otherwise my membership would have ran out and I would no longer be able to part take in the rest of the challenge. 

The challenge- 30 IN 45, you must go thirty times in forty-five days.  Seems pretty easy but that means you must go at least 5 days a week in order to succeed in reaching your goal.  The only other goals are goals you set for yourself- eating healthier, toning and tightening up, and/or losing weight.  This challenge will take you right up to Thanksgiving.  You definitely don't want to throw away all your hard work during the holidays.  I believe this is a good way to keep you to stay on track; hopefully 😉.  Would you really want to just give up all your hard work, not me!  This challenge
began yesterday, Oct. 9th 2017 and will go till Nov. 22nd 2017.  Yesterday- day 1/ I took Pure Classic- low impact, isometric movements, light weights, total body workout.  Today- day 2/ was Pure Empower- multidirectional, dynamic movements using ankle weights and a plyometric platform to target the entire body while keeping a faster pace.
Image may contain: textgirl stretching using platform girl stretching with ankle weights 

Monday, July 11, 2016

Monday Morning Blues

It is a Monday morning and typically I don't get the Monday morning blues but today is a different story...    

My morning started off with my CGM (continuous glucose monitor) showing a pretty good fasting number until I checked my blood sugar with my One Touch. Sugars were actually a bit higher. So I give myself insulin to bring my blood sugars down; I take my vitamins and get in the shower. I check my CGM when I get out of the shower and my sugars have gone up even more. This is so frustrating! 

This morning I also have to change my infusion site and start with a fresh vial of insulin which will give me an additional amount of insulin when I fill the cannula. Great! This should help bring my sugars down. As I prime the tubing, I am waiting to see the the insulin drip from the needle point. I finally see insulin dripping but have already lost 20 units because of my vision becoming weaker as the years go by. Next I have to insert it now and that isn't exactly peachy. Today sucked! The injection site hurt the worst it has ever hurt! Causing a burning sensation.

My frustration had already begun yesterday after downloading my CGM and pump information onto my PC so I could get a true visual of how my numbers were looking over the past several months.  And they don't look good :( 

I have strived to lower my A1c every 3 months to get it as low as possible. And so far I have been successful at it. But I don't think that will be the case this time. I will know tomorrow after seeing my endocrinologist.

What has changed?

A few things...

  • Hormones- all over the place. UP and DOWN causing my emotions to wreak havoc  
  • Workouts- more weights and high intensity interval training
  • Eating before workouts and blood sugars going up instead of coming down
  • More protein intake
Go figure...

Friday, June 10, 2016

The Battle Within

It seems like a daily battle within, one day I am full of joy and thankful for all that I am and have, the next day I am feeling down and not satisfied with who I am or what I have. So why or how do things change overnight?  I believe it is that pre-menopausal journey I am on, my blood work says differently though.  I don't believe it! 

As I continue to seek God's Word, I find myself being convicted of the very things of this world my flesh takes in. The Spirit of the Lord is within me, so why does it struggle to shine bright?

LOVE is the first of the fruits and it is the most important command Jesus gave us. The word love is used so loosely and it seems to be no longer taken seriously. In the eyes of God it is not a feeling rather than an action. It gives freely without expecting anything in return. Love others without feeling they deserve it or not.

The second fruit of the Spirit is JOY. It is not the same as happiness. As I reflect on this, I realize, I struggle with joy. I rely so much on others to make me happy rather the Spirit op the Lord. 

And PEACE, another fruit of the Spirit. How can there be peace when there is so much chaos in this world? God tells us... Do not to be anxious about anything; rather, bring up all your requests to God in prayers and petitions, along with giving thanks. Then the peace of God that exceeds all understanding will keep your hearts and minds safe in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:6-7 Sounds easy, right? But I struggle to complain to God. Does He really want to hear me complain? I have so much, why am I complaining....? 

Because I just want to be LOVED! (God loves me! That should be sufficient.)

So how does pre-menopausal fall into all this? HORMONES! Out of whack, unbalanced, lacking, etc... 
Hormone Fluctuations
From puberty to menopause your hormones are constantly fluctuating and this is a part of the natural life cycle, this gets the body ready for ovulation, and possible pregnancy, if this does not occur then the menstrual cycle begins and the process starts over again.Once a woman gets past 40 years of age hormone levels start to decline, this will eventually lead to menopause at around 50-52 years of age. While hormones are naturally fluctuating, problems start to occur when the fluctuations go out of balance …. this can cause a lot of symptoms in both your body and your mind.
Causes of hormonal imbalance
The most common imbalance is an excess of estrogen compared to progesterone which is known as estrogen dominance, this can obviously be caused by the body making too much estrogen or you may have normal estrogen but not enough progesterone. This may cause similar symptoms but the treatment to correct the problem will be different
Signs of estrogen and progesterone imbalance
There are many different signs and symptoms of estrogen dominance and it is important to remember that some of these symptoms can be caused by imbalances with other hormones.
Signs and Symptoms Include:

  • weight gain
  • fluid retention
  • PMS mood changes like anger, irritable and anxiety which can last from a day or so to two weeks
  • migraines and headaches
  • breast tenderness
  • heavy periods, or very light periods if you have low estrogen/ progesterone
  • breast lumps and cysts
  • infertility
  • cramping pains, back pains (something I never had before)
Sometimes women have one or two of these symptoms or you could have them all, and while they are common they are not “normal” and are a sign of imbalance. Some months symptoms are really bad, while other times things are “ok”. Lets look at why your hormones change.

Thursday, October 8, 2015


Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding, for the gain from her is better than gain from silver and her profit better than gold.~Proverbs 3:13-14

I believe there are no coincidences in life.  I believe God has a plan and purpose for all encounters.  If it is something ugly, unjust, unfathomable, unbelieveable, it isn't the works of God but rather our enemy-Satan.  Oh yes, he is real but that is not what I want to share with you. 
God has great plans for all of us.  Are you willing to listen and follow His instruction? Well I sure am glad I did on a morning I wasn't feeling very good.  My body was definitely trying to fight off a cold for days prior to and now I have lost my voice.  So I started texted all my clients to let them know that I wasn't feeling very healthy and didn't have a voice; that it would be up to them if they wanted to come in for their massage.  Believe it or not all my regulars decided to stay away but two chose to come in, my very first appointment was a new client for 30 minutes.  I figured I could do 30 minutes, it isn't that bad.  I wish I had way more than 30 minutes that morning with her.  And it wasn't to do massage.  It was to pour into her all that God had intended for her to hear from the Holy Spirit through my mouth.  
I never expected a new client to start sharing such personal information but it was clear she was angry and hurt.  The minute she started talking about her failed marriage I knew God wanted her to see me that day.
You see, my marriage had been failing for many years and by the grace of God, He saved it!  I was ready to walk away and be done but I couldn't say those "words" just yet.  Something was tugging on my heart and I couldn't quite let go.  So, I moved into the other room, just as many couples do as a start.  Then out the door to my parents house.  But that only lasted a week because it had already been several months that I had been processing all this and looking at myself.  Key word being "MYSELF".  We are so quick to point the finger at the other person.  But we all know that when you point one finger at someone, there are three pointing back at you.  Yes, I had realized where I had failed as a wife according to God's Word.  I put my child first, myself, God, then my husband.  What a shot at my husband's heart.  I made him feel unworthy, disrespected and caused him to withdrawal more than he already does being an introvert.  I took his role- the leader of the house- away from him.  That is not what God intended.  I am suppose to put God first, then my husband.  I am to respect my husband and submit to him out of reverence for Christ.  Submit as in to be his helpmate, putting all my talents, resources, abilities and energy at my husband's disposal.  That's not being his slave or being inferior to him, nor does it mean being passive or not being able to give advise.  God doesn't want us disobeying His Word.  
So what did I share with my new client that day?  I shared, she needed to find out what her husband's love language is and start pouring into him that way.  Stop taking the lead and let him be the head of household.  It isn't too late to get back what you once had, all you have to do, is do it God's way!
"A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones." ~Proverbs 12:4

Jesus willingly laid down His life for the glory of God. No one took it from Him. ~John 10:17-18, 17:4

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Wisdom or Folly?

"Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious!" ~Proverbs 9:17
This world offers and entices us on a constant basis. Making us think that our sins can be hidden. But they really aren't because God sees all. The temptations are sweet, hard to resist because they look so good, like candy and cakes. Those things are hard to resist because they taste so good once you put them in your mouth. Being diabetic is much like the same thing. We are not suppose to eat the sweet stuff for our sugars will soar sky high. But the temptation is everywhere. Even in my own home with my family. How is one to resist temptation when you are surrounded by it? That is where wisdom comes in, I choose wisdom. Wisdom from the Bible will keep me grounded. It will teach me the way I should walk. Just as learning about my diabetes will keep me living longer and healthier.
So how do I apply this to my life? Keep reading the Bible, seeking out God's truth, his guidance. Just as a parent teaches a child. I must pay attention to what I am being told, not what this world or my flesh is telling me, but what God is telling me. Keeping my eyes and ears open to receiving what God has planned for me. Knowing the truth and living it out.
I will admit that sometimes that is hard to do. Just like avoiding sweets is hard to do. I give into those temptations at times, especially when it is in my face constantly. What I would really like to do is throw out all the junk food in the cupboard but then my family would complain there is nothing to eat. The "good stuff" just doesn't appeal them; it doesn't taste good they say. I tell them if they would just try eating healthier, they would find it would fill them up more. Eating foods with empty nutrition is like feeding a bottomless pit. You will never be satisfied or filled up because there is no substance, no fiber, no value. Much like not reading your Bible. You fulfill your desires with things of this world, you are going to feel empty, unsatisfied, always wanting more but never attaining much of anything. The Bible is "healthy food". It will fill you up, it has substance and value. Some may say, but is it really true? I say, you won't know until you try it. Isn't that true for food? How do you know if it is good for you or not? For me, I know right away. If it is good for me, my sugars maintain at a "good" level. If it is bad for me, my sugars shoot straight up (obviously not good). If we try reading the Bible and follow HIS instruction, we are filled with many blessings- peace, joy, love, abundance. If we choose to not follow HIS instructions we are filled with emptiness, self doubt. Some may say that is not true, my life is great, I have everything I want and desire and I got it without following HIS instruction. I did it all on my own. But are you really, truly happy?
"We aren't immortal. We don't last long. Like our dogs, we age and weaken. And die. This is what happens to those who live for the moment , who only look out for themselves: Death herds them like sheep straight to hell; they disappear down the gullet of the grave; They waste away to nothing- nothing left but a marker in a cemetery."
 ~Psalm 49:12-14 (The Message)
What God has in store for us is far beyond what we can even fathom. Even eating healthy, I think is it really going to pay off? The answer is YES to ALL THE ABOVE.

Monday, May 11, 2015

The Ups and Downs

I am sure many of you have had the opportunity to ride a roller coaster at some point in your life. The question is this...  How many of you enjoyed it? How many of you were scared for your life? How many of you wanted to do it again?

For me and my family, we LOVE roller coasters.  We haven't found one that we really don't like.  All we want to do is ride them over and over again. But there is one roller coaster my family doesn't like, especially me. It is the roller coaster of diabetes.  

For the past month or so, my sugars have been like a roller coaster with LOTS of Ups and Downs.  Just when I think I have figured out what is okay with my body to eat my sugars go up or come crashing down.  There is no rhyme or reason to why this happens.  I can eat the same thing all week long and get different results each day.  I do know this... eating a more vegetarian way and even raw is what my body really wants and does well, with more balanced sugars.  But my brain some days tells me differently.  I crave carbohydrates, the bad kind, especially around that dreaded time of month.  You know, the one you put on a few pounds on in the gut.  You are cranky some days, happy others, sad or just to tired to do anything.

Each color represents a different day.  The thick green bar that goes straight across represents where my sugars should stay throughout the day.  The Ups that I have are above the green bar reaching high into the 200 mark.  The Downs are below the green bar, getting as low as the 40's.  

Because I ride this "Sugar" roller coaster often, I also get to ride the "Emotional" roller coaster of frustration, depression, anger, jealousy, and sometimes resentment.  These are two roller coasters I really don't like.  Frustrated that there is no rhyme or reason to the Ups & Downs.  Depressed, angry and jealous that I can't have what I want (anymore).  Resentful that my family can eat whatever and whenever they want without having to check their sugars every time they want to eat.  On the outside everything looks fine but on the inside there are twists and turns and Ups and Downs.  It is not easy being diabetic.  And it is not easy for my family either.